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 Profile of a Victim
Simply being female is the single greatest factor that increases one's risk of becoming a victim of domestic violence. Statistics show that in 95% of all domestic violence cases, women are the victims (Bureau of Justice Statistics, 1994). Gender is where the commonalities among victims ends. Victims are of every age, class, race, religious, geographic, sexual orientation, and personality group. In the United States, nearly one in three adult women experience at least one physical assault by a partner during adulthood (American Psychological Association, Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family 1996 Report).
Why Victims Stay
Many victims of domestic violence do leave their abusive partners. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence estimates that on average, a victim returns to her abuser six times before finding the resources to finally break free from the relationship. Victims are faced with many barriers which prevent them from leaving. These barriers can include:
- Fear of Increased Violence — The lethality of the violence often increases when a batterer believes his/her partner is leaving the relationship. In fact, victims are most likely to be murdered when attempting to report abuse or leave the relationship. The batterer may have threatened to kill him/herself, the victim, the children, and/or friends and family if the victim attempts to leave. Immobilized with psychological and physical trauma, the victim often sees no way to protect herself.
- Frequency and Severity — The violence may occur over a relatively short period or there may be a long period between battering incidents. The batterer may promise that the last act of violence will be the last.
- Lack of Financial Resources — Batterers often control all access to the family resources. Without money or transportation the victim often has no place to turn. The majority of women on welfare are past victims of domestic violence, as are most homeless women. The victim may stay with the batterer to avoid the poverty she and her children will experience.
- Isolation — The batterer may be the only emotional support left for the victim as a result of either voluntarily or being forced to cut off relationships with friends and family.
- Cultural Beliefs — The victim may hold cultural or religious beliefs which support keeping the family together at all costs.
- Prior History of Abuse and Low Self-Esteem — There may be generational history of witnessing domestic violence in the family and/or of being abused. The victim may have learned to accept abuse as normal behavior because at early age abuse was considered acceptable when someone had done something wrong. The victim may believe that the abuse is deserved and accepts responsibility for the batterer's behavior. Feelings of low-self worth and helplessness are continually reinforced by the batterer.
Am I a Victim?
- I am frightened by my partner's temper.
- I apologize when I am treated badly.
- I have been hit, kicked, bitten, shoved, burned, and/or had objects thrown at me.
- My partner controls whom I see and where I go. My partner is jealous of my relationships with friends, family, and coworkers and isolates me from those people.
- My partner has injured or threatened to injure the children, pets, or special property.
- I am given an allowance to spend and/or my partner controls the finances and will not allow me to purchase necessities such as food and clothing.
- I have been forced to have sex or perform sexual acts.
- My partner has destroyed or broken my possessions.
Profile of a Batterer
Batterers are as diverse as the victims of domestic violence, but what is most similar about batterers is the use of power and control as the main tactics in their abusive behavior. Batterers:
- Equate JEALOUSY with love; continually questions partner about people spoken to or associating with; becomes jealous of time partner spends with others, including family.
- Use CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR to inhibit almost every aspect of their partners life — from their ability to come and go at their own will, spend money, or make any decision at all.
- LIE or alters or withholds the truth.
- Pressure partners to BECOME COMMITTED TO THEIR RELATIONSHIP QUICKLY.
- Have UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS; they expect their partner to meet all of their needs, to take care of everything both emotionally and domestically.
- ISOLATE their partner by severing outside ties, support and resources; accuses others, such as a partner's family and friends as "troublemakers"; blocks partner's access to use of vehicles, work or telephone service in the home.
- BLAME OTHERS FOR FEELINGS and may use feelings to manipulate a partner; may say, "You are hurting me by not doing as I want" or "You control how I feel."
- HOLD CHILDREN TO HIGH EXPECTATIONS; may expect children to perform beyond their capability; may punish the children for not performing up to expectations set by the batterer.
- Exhibit CRUELTY TO ANIMALS
- Use "PLAYFUL" FORCE IN SEX; restrains partner against her or his will during sexual activity; acts out fantasies in which the partner is helpless; forces sex when the partner is asleep, ill or tired; shows little concern for partner's desire to be touched; uses sulking or anger to manipulate sexual compliance.
- VERBALLY ABUSE THEIR PARTNER; curses or degrades them; puts down partner's accomplishments.
- Hold RIGID GENDER ROLES and expects partner to serve batterer's needs;
- INHIBIT PARTNER FROM MAKING DECISIONS, coming and going at will, and spending money.
Although both men and women can be abusers, approximately 97% of all batterers are men. Abuse is often a learned behavior. The person who uses any form of violence to control or manipulate a partner often has low self-esteem, may refuse to accept responsibility for the violence, and may believe the violence is justified. Often the batterer will try to excuse the behavior or blame the victim for causing it. The tendency to use abuse as a control tactic is aggravated by the use of drugs and alcohol. Overcoming a substance abuse problem, however, does not usually end the abusive behavior. Batterers can overcome abusive behavior through the appropriate treatment and counseling, separate from their substance abuse treatment.
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